Meditator's guide to "borderline passing" Part 1

So, you spend 18 hours per day watching hentai, playing dota or even World of Warcraft? Getting wasted after clubbing every night? Taking 3 jobs to support your demands for branded goods? Whatever the reasons are (or excuses), you NEED to pass your subjects. As a borderline passing student (and more often than I would like, an almost passing student), I would like to come up with the greatest guide ever made for degenerates. One day, when you are looking back, marijuana in hand, hippie girlfriend underneath, you would thank me profusely for giving you a fighting chance in college, university or whatever institution you were in.


1. Aim low





Beggars can't be choosers. The usual passing mark is 50-60. Aim for that. Occasionally, a university would grant students who got marks which are a little lower than the required marks a consented pass. Aim for that too if you feel lucky. Always know how many marks you need in order to pass. Common sense tells us that we need about half the marks of each assessment to pass the subject. But what happens if you got a zero for one? Usually, you're screwed, but the best option there is would be to control the damage by aiming higher for other assessments. Assuming Jose missed his class test worth 30% because he was banging some asses the night before, he would automatically need to score 50/70 for his finals if there are no other assesments. This is not good news for Jose because Jose can't even count the number of fingers in his ass. There are things Jose could do to improve his chances, and I will get to that later.


2. Know your limits





Lets be honest, degenerates can't do shit. If you feel that the odds are too high against you in order to pass the subject, drop it while you can. If not, just let the subject go. Concentrate on the other ones or you will end up seeing more "Fail"s than you can count. Minimize losses and do whatever you can. In the above scenario, Jose has fucked up his class test. He doesn't even know the name of the subject, nor does he even know who the lecturer is. He did not attend any classes and knows more about the female genitalia than this subject. Even if he starts studying today, there may not be enough time to ace the finals. The strategic thing to do is to let it go. By letting that particular subject go, Jose would be pleased to know that he could have more time to harvest marijuana and revise for his remaining subjects.


3. Get the course materials





However much of a degenerate you are, you MUST get the books or notes you need. It helps last minute studying, even if it means the night before the exam. Think of your course materials like a porn collection. You may not need it now, but sooner or later, you will start digging for it. As a suggestion, Jose could steal a classmate's notes and then return it the next day after a photocopying session. However, I would not suggest returning it though. The bugger's handwriting was full of shit anyway. I swear, I could write better with a pen wrapped around the foreskin of my penis. Anyway, erm, lets move on.

4. The bell curve

The bell curve could either be an ally or destroy you. In most cases, if a subject is graded on a bell curve, all you have to do is do better than a number of students in order to pass. Hopefully the lecturer is only willing to fail 10% of the class. Given a class of 200, Jose has to score higher than about 20 students (the lecturer will probably omit the marks of a handful of students who did not even attempt the test). If Jose isn't about number 21 from the bottom, Jose is going to be chilling with the lecturer again in the coming semester. Jose can increase his chances of passing by sabotaging the 20 weakest students by any means necessary. He can also practice pronouncing "Honolulu" repeatedly with a cucumber in his mouth. That ought to help.


If all else fails, there is always the next semester. Don't be discouraged by anything. "Failure" is only a 7 letter word. Then again, so is "success". Either way, I think it was Thomas Edison who once said "I did not fail 999 times at making a light bulb. Instead, I discovered 999 ways of NOT to make a light bulb". I don't even know if I remembered this correctly, but I think that what he said was pretty inspirational. So far, I have discovered 145273 ways of NOT succeeding in getting laid.




Disclaimer: This guide is not intended for anyone with a penis size below 9 inches.